Grump Days

This summer I have worked really hard on working through and avoiding what I call "grump days." These are days when my depression gets the better of me and I have trouble powering through. Grump Days are a part of living with mental illness. You can do your best to mitigate the damage and minimize their severity, but sooner or later Grump Days will happen and that is okay. 

Today was a grump day, I didn't think it would be. I got outta bed at 7 at breakfast, listened to a conference talk, and posted my feelings in my scripture group; but then my tummy acted up so I went back to bed. When Hubby came home for lunch at 11:30, I was still there. Yep grump day. I got up he fixed me some food and handed me the remote so I could turn on some of my favorite stand up comedy. Today it was YouTube clips of Bill Engvall. I ate my food, took my meds, and watched some truly funny stuff. Everyone should have go to funny stuff for grump days. Laughter is scientifically proven to help alleviate many symptoms of depression. 

At some point, I managed to get dressed, pull back my hair and get some administrative house stuff done. By the time Hubby got home from work I felt like going for a walk, so we did. This time I made it all the way around the block without needing to stop for a rest. At the end I was able to call it an okay day.

Now the funny part. I sat down intending to write a post about how I got nothing done today because it was a bad day and that sometimes bad days happen and that's okay, but as I sat thinking over my day I realized that I had actually done some things and one of them was even on my to do list! So I guess that my message tonight is more along the lines of this: When Grump Days happen and you feel like you have done absolutely nothing, (which lets be honest can makes us feel even worse) Try focusing on what you DID do, rather than what you didn't. Did you get out of bed? Great! Did you put on clothing that you hadn't slept in the night before? Awesome! Did you successfully ingest enough calories to keep from passing out? Super!   

Our Grump Days may not be the most productive days but things do get done on them. The faster we remember that, the sooner we can move on to better, less grumpy days

Wax-Pocalypse

So this morning Murphy the Evil Imp of Misfortune came to visit. But first some background:
Last week I switched from using purely soy wax in my batiking to also mixing in candle stubs ( I was running out of wax), the result was that my little candle warmer could no longer heat the wax hot enough to penetrate the fabric. So I invested in an honest to goodness hot plate and waited for it to arrive. The hot plate got here over the weekend so this morning I thought I would knock out some wax work before heading into the sewing room. That's when the trouble started...

I will admit upfront that I made several rookie mistakes that made a bad situation worse than had to be, but that doesn't make what happened any less annoying. 

Mistake Number 1: I set up at my work space in my windowless dye room, because that worked out just fine when I was working with soy wax that didn't fume and I figured the vegetable wax from the candle stubs would behave similarly.

Mistake Number 2: I figured heating wax on a hotplate was like heating oil on a gas stove. Turn on High and then adjust the dial when it has achieved the correct temperature.

Mistake Number 3: I put the glass candle jar that held my wax directly onto the cast iron top of the heating element.

The Result....
You ever see those Chemistry Class scenes from movies and television where the beaker all of the sudden shatters for no apparent reason?  Let me tell you when a glass jar full of melting wax shatters bottom first on to a hotplate it gets messy and smoky FAST. It took me twenty minutes to get the smoke alarm to shut off and most of the day to get the fumes to depart from the back end of the house. I spent the rest of the day cleaning up the awful mess that had been caused by my carelessness. And I never did make it to my sewing room.

To all my fellow Batikers and friends who do crafts with safety procedures. The rules are there for a reason. I got off easy with some wax covered dye blanks and a mild asthma attack. It could have been a lot worse. Please use my lack of care as a cautionary tale to remember to always:
Work in a well ventilated area
Melt wax slowly and increase temperature as needed (a thermometer can be very helpful)
Heat your wax in a metal vessel that can hold up to the heat being applied
And NEVER leave the room when you wax is on the heat ( Glad I followed that one)
Be safe and every body have a great week   

Learning To Let Yourself Want...

Today was an amazing day at the Farmer's Market. There was a school field trip so there were many children there, looking at all our wares and asking wonderful questions. As an added bonus I had Marco with me today since he did not have to work. He told me it gave him better context for all the things we talk about related to the market during the week. After Market we went on my "after Market errands" together and talked about my budding business. That's when the melt down occurred.


It hit me that I truly love what I am doing, not just as a hobby but as an honest to goodness JOB! I have not felt this much passion and drive to succeed since my first few semesters as a costume student. I learn something new everyday, and I am networking and learning from a great group of local crafters. This should have been a happy realization, but as most of you know my emotional system rarely reacts in a "normal" fashion.


You see there has been a lot of uncertainty in the Lee household about where/when/how our lives should be moving forward. In January, we felt we had come up with a good plan, we took it to the Lord in prayer and then started putting plan A into motion. Then in April we got new information/ circumstances changed. So we came up with plans B and C again taking those plans to the Lord. The Meltdown was a result of realizing within myself and subsequently freaking out, that something that had been a critical component in Plan A, had carried little consideration in the creation of Plans B and C...My Business.


When I said yes to my husband on our wedding day, I promised to honor him, follow him, and help him in all the righteous desires of his heart. So when a critical paradigm shift presented itself this past spring, I did what any good spouse would do and helped develop the new plan, seemingly content in the knowledge that I would enjoy my time at the market while it lasted (I would have to leave halfway through the season), and not even acknowledging that the winter selling season would not happen. I also forgot that someone else had made promises to honor, love, and help. Luckily he did not.

Everything hit me and I expressed through my tears that I felt cheated. That I felt the time for my education time had been sliced by nearly 10 months and I was being pulled out of my cocoon too fast and if I left now, I was afraid that I would not have a solid foundation when we went elsewhere. Then, my sweet, wonderful husband asked a question very like the one that had led me to this path in the first place "Sweetheart, what do you want" This question was one I rarely consider when making decisions, I am generally more concerned with the desires of my loved ones (I've been told it is something I need to work on). 

Through my tears, I told him of my desire to learn as much as I could from my network in the North Country, to have an opportunity to sell a full season so that I knew what I was doing when we got out of the Army and could work to support him while he was in school without having to return to entry level wage work. After listening to me blubber about how this desire screwed up everything about plan B and C and berate myself for being so selfish (that last point earned me a reproach for bashing on his wife:), he calmly held me and told me that my desires we righteous ones and that God was always waiting for us to share those desires with Him. And then when I questioned what, in my mind, was a sure thing; he reminded me of Nephi and how he knew that God was stronger than Laban and all of his men and that if God felt my desires were meant to be fulfilled no power on this earth could stop them. 

I've spent  the rest of the evening regaining my composure and reflecting on the day. Now it is time to pray again and find plan D. Please pray with me my friends. I don't want to bury this passion again and I know God has a plan for me to keep it, I just need to find out what it is.

I'm BAAAACK!

Hey everybody, remember a couple years ago when I was all gung ho about starting a website and then....crickets! Yeah, It has been a crazy couple of years. Marco is getting ready to transition out of the Army, I've shed my medieval pseudonym as far as business goes, oh and this happened...

My Booth at the Local Farmers Market

 That's right folks. I finally did it! I have an honest to goodness store front to sell my all the wonderful, beautiful things that I love to create. I also have taken the plunge into "professional" blogging, and have 2 new homes on the internet for those who are interested.

The first one is the obligatory business promotion Blog: The Rainbow Seamstress is the place you will find tutorials, process pictures, and finished projects that tell the world just how awesome Rachel Lee is (off course all the crazy mishaps and existential crises will stay safely on this blog with all my other adventures lol).

The second blog is one of those special interest blogs that I never thought I'd do but am truly looking forward to. Pretty Natural Nails is a blog dedicated to those of us who enjoy keeping our natural nails strong, beautiful, short/long and 100% real. It will include pictures of my weekly self done manicures and hopefully in the future product reviews, tutorials and nail photos from other readers.

So that's what I've been up to. looks like it will be an exciting Summer.

Yep...I'm a Morning Person

So 4 out of the 5 days this week I have had, commitments that required I be up and moving early in the morning (in the case of one day VERY early). I was a little bit concerned about this because even after two months of working on raising my stamina, I have not had much success. But I figured most of the days had the morning commitment and not much else, so If all else failed I could crash early. Well I only needed 1 nap this week! I am so stoked! Usually I have had to take a 1-2 hour nap just to get through the day. The difference? Waking Up! I have been a morning person all of my life I don't know why I seem to think sleeping (too much) will help. So yep realization. Get up get goin' and have a great day!

A New Adventure

*cough* *cough*  Wow its a bit dusty around here! Oh well so I'm back with a brand new adventure to chronicle. I have decided to start a website! I found a killer deal on an e-commerce portal last year and have been slowly planning my business for 2 years (with much trial and error).  I have expanded my initial vision of making hand-dyed costumes to include several retail streams of income. Now here is the perfectly crazy part. I have no money! I decided to move forward with this plan with exactly $22 in my pay pal account. So how am I doing it? One $20 bill at a time. I have a budget that puts all of our living expenses and minimum debt payments within Marco's salary. We live on base so the only utility we pay for is our cell phones and WI-fi (same provider). I cook our meals at home which is healthier and cheaper. Okay great you can live but, Rachel, you gotta spend money to make money so where is it gonna come from? Well starting today I have a part-time job at Bath and Body works. While some of that money will go to fund our emergency fund another portion of it will fund supplies and merchandise for my website at least for the initial start up then for the first many months whatever I make will go straight back into the business. will it work? I don't know but I am sick of waiting for my dreams to become a reality. It is time for action! Stay tuned for more exciting rants as I navigate domain registration, vendors, and made to fit costuming because sink or swim it is going to be a wild ride!

Moving Forward

you ever feel like you are  in limbo? Like you are in a constant state of rush and listlessness all at once? That is a pretty good way to describe my last two semesters. After much Prayer and discussion with my husband the decision was made to withdraw from the theatre dept at ISU; I met with an adviser for general studies and that is now my major. After six years of college I am only 8 upper division credits from graduating. Since I still need to maintain living wages at McDonald's I will be taking 2 semesters to finish those courses. During that time I will also be taking classes that can help me with my Shoppe. This semester I am taking Jewelry making, Intro to Photography, Spanish (required), and Medieval Literature.

My focus has shifted over the last year or so, I no longer want anything to do with the theatre world, its too cut throat and in all honesty I'm just too tenderhearted. However,  I still have an immense passion for costuming. The answer to feeding that passion is Shannon's Shoppe: a Traveling merchant business specializing in Re-enactment costumes, accessories, and fashion/practical steel swords. I have put the better part of the last 5 months into researching, planning, and preparing for this venture to take flight. In January I will be applying for my tax ID, and begin purchasing raw materials to build my stock. I am researching vehicles with towing capability and with enough diligence and a little luck I will begin as a Weekend Warrior this summer. The ultimate goal is to spend half the year on the road and half the year at home building stock; an exciting prospect  to say the least.

Marcus is going to be speaking with an Air Force recruiter in January. He found his nursing school on the campus of UNLV, a place neither of us had considered before it popped up on a google search. Marcus wants to see if the Air Force can help him get to where he wants to go in life; if not than we will find our own way to Las Vegas. He is registered for a CNA course that starts next month so he is moving forward as well.

I am greatly looking forward to the day when I do not have to work a job that requires smelling like fries when I'm done. Fast food pays the bills but it is not what I want to do with my life. My path, for now, is clear I just need to get there.